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THE
EVILS OF SEPARATION
Do not turn
your back on your wife because of her defects. Listen to what the Scriptures
say, that "The bee is little among such as a fly, but her fruit is the
chief of sweet things." She is made by God. You are not condemning her,
but rather the One who made her; what can the woman do? Do not praise her
for her beauty. Praise and hatred and love based on personal beauty come
from impure souls.
Search after
the beauty of the soul. Imitate the bridegroom of the Church. Outward beauty
is full of conceit and licentiousness, and makes men jealous, and it often
makes you imagine monstrous things. But does it give any pleasure? For the
first or second month, perhaps, or, at most, for a year; but then no longer.
The admiration fades away through familiarity.
Meanwhile the
ills which arose from the exterior beauty still remain; the pride, the
foolishness, the contemptuousness. However, in one who is not beautiful,
none of this is to be found. The love that began on honest grounds still
continues ardently since its object is beauty of soul and not of the
body. What better, tell me, is there than heaven?
Describe any
body you choose, and still there is none so fair. Tell me of any eyes you
want, yet there are none so sparkling. When these were created, the very
angels gazed in amazement, and we gaze with wonder now; but not with the
same amazement as we did at first.
Such
familiarity; things do not strike us in the same degree. How much more in
the case of the wife. And if by some chance disease comes, too, all is
immediately lost.
Look for
affection, humility and gentleness in a wife; these are the signs of beauty.
But loveliness of physical features let us not seek, nor chastise her for
lack of these points over which she has no control. No, rather let us not
chastise her at all nor be impatient nor morose.
Don't you see
how many men, often living with beautiful wives, have ended their lives
despicably and how many, who have lived with those of no great beauty, have
lived on to extreme old age with great enjoyment?
Let us wipe
off the spot that is written, let us smooth the wrinkles that are within,
let us do away with the blemishes that are on the soul. Such is the beauty
God requires. Let us make her fair in God's sight, not in our own.
St. John
Chrysostom
(10-21-04)
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